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“I positioned myself in college in such a way that I can’t have a meaningful romantic relationship, because I’m always busy and the people that I am interested in are always busy, too,” she said.“And I know everyone says, ‘Make time, make time,’ ” said the woman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity but agreed to be identified by her middle initial, which is A. They watched a little TV, had sex and went to sleep.Instead, she’ll talk about “cost-benefit” analyses and the “low risk and low investment costs” of hooking up.Some women described a dangerous edge to the hookup culture, of sexual assaults and degrading encounters enabled by drinking and distinguished by a lack of emotional connection.The women interviewed came from all corners of Penn’s population.Some had gone to elite private high schools; others were on full scholarship.They came from diverse racial backgrounds, and several were first-generation immigrants.
Nationally, women now outnumber men in college enrollment by 4 to 3 and outperform them in graduation rates and advanced degrees.
Patton, who has two sons, one a Princeton graduate and the other a current student. Patton was derided for wanting to return to the days of the “Mrs.
degree,” though a few female writers, noting how hard it can be for women to find mates in their 30s, suggested that she might have a point. Patton just landed a book deal with a division of Simon & Schuster.) As lengthy interviews over the school year with more than 60 women at Penn indicated, the discussion is playing out in the lives of a generation of women facing both broader opportunities and greater pressures than perhaps any before, both of which helped shape their views on sex and relationships in college.
At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. Their relationship, she noted, is not about the meeting of two souls.
She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. “We don’t really like each other in person, sober,” she said, adding that “we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.” Ask her why she hasn’t had a relationship at Penn, and she won’t complain about the death of courtship or men who won’t commit.
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The idea of lugging a relationship through all those transitions was hard for many to imagine.